There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
