dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
