the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
