Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
