Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
