It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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