What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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