I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
