i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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