I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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