I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
