I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
