Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
