I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This toilet bowl is my home.
is it fun? or sober?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
