Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
