I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
