I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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