i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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