Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Randomize
