Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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