my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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