Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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