found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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