I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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