every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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