is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
