What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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