don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
