you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
