haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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