Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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