she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
