Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
