Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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