The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
