I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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