I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
