Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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