Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
