Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
