your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
