We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
