I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
