my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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