C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
