We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
