Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
