you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
