So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
