trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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