I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
