The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
