It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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