weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
