he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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