she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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