is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
